I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
