woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
