it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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