I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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