I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
