Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
