its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
