Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
