I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
