New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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