i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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