How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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