I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
