from now on my penis is your penis
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
