Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
