I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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