I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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