Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
