Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How does one acquire holy water?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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