my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
