He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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