no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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