My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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