If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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