the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
