Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
