I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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