This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
