I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
