As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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