I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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