saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
