Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
