If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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