So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
