so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
