i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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