I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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