I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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