It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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