So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, beer. Big fan.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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