fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
