Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
