my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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