What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
