she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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