I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize