i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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