I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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