All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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