chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
