What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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