If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
