margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
