Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize