peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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