I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
