is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
