Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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