WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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